Thursday, February 18, 2016

KEEP YOUR HEAD HIGH


hey there.its been a while since my last post.these days im quite busy that I don't even have times to update this blog.too much commitment and job I guess or I should simply say that I am just tired and lazy.hahahaha. so new semester already started (this is the fourth week to be exact) but heyy im still not ready.alhamdulillah i have done pretty well in my previous semester.finally my efforts paid off and im so thankful for that.so yeah,there are lots of thing lingering in my mind.too much things to be sort out.and this time it involves feeling.how should i say this??hmmm.i think i have started to like someone.LOL.again??I know it's boring but I couldn't help it. the worst thing is that I can never tell that person that I like him.why??because I just can't.things would be absolutely different if I do tell him and I don't wish that to happen.I just want this feeling to disappear.I don't want it to grow bigger and bigger as the days goes by.im already 21(my birthday was on 31st Jan and I had the greatest birthday bash ever :P) and still i have to face this kind of things all over again. it's hard you know. to keep it by yourself and not let the other party knows what you feel. this is my major problem.because im terribly worst at keeping my feeling to just me. i have to learn dealing with this kind of stuff or else it will harm me surely.after such a long time I can now fully understand my own self.but im just ego and hard headed to admit my weaknesses.one more thing is that i can now finally says that i have completely move on.really and honestly.im happy to see that he is way much happier nowadays.no hatred or such things.i just hope he would not repeat the same mistakes he did to me.because only God knows how hard it takes to deal with that.i have learned it the hard way.i just think that im not good in relationship.entah. i don't know how to say this.sometimes I do feel okay living by my own self.I mean not in any relationship.I am really happy because I can do anything without any worries and such.but you know sometimes just SOMETIMES (moreover when im having a mood swing.HAHAHA) it feels quite lonely.it really does,you just want someone that you can share everything with.to share your worries your dream,everything without being judged.to have someone to motivate you whenever needed.sometimes i do miss the good night wish,but yeah whatever.who cares right?.im not being picky but heyy im already 21.it's not the time to take the relationship thingy as main-main or what. i have to be serious not a boyfriend who is a 'serious' guy.hahahaa. i want someone that can be a man when I need him and also a friend that can deal with my crazy attitude. i don't seek for perfection because as we know nobody's perfect.but after all im still thankful to God because Im surrounded with great family and friends that always makes my life interesting. you know this past 4 years was the most hardest phase in my life so far.it was such a wild ride.i never thought i would survived those things but alhamdulillah im here. there was once throughout that times i faced a really terrible depression.i refused to eat.i refused to go out. i just sat in the room - crying.blaming myself for everything that happened.im not sincere.tak ikhas.tak redha.as you grow up FAILURE becomes one thing that is so vivid.everything i did was so wrong.my plan slowly started to stumble one after another.when i thought it would be okay,it definitely not.too many things happened that i almost gave up.im too busy with my plan that I forgot He had a better plan for me.I could not accept things at first but surely you just need to have your full faith in Him and believe everything happened for a reason.slowly i learned to accept things and guess what He was never wrong.alhamdulillah things slowly starts to get better.see.the thing is that you just have to be redha and most important is that you have to learn from your mistakes and never to repeat it again.things might be hard.but never give up.till next time :)

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